Movie Review – Valentine’s Day

Principal Cast : Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, Anne Hathaway, Kathy Bates, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Hector Elizondo, Jamie Foxx, Topher Grace, Carter Jenkins, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Bryce Robinson.
Synopsis: Intertwining couples and singles in Los Angeles break-up and make-up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine’s Day.


Okay, welcome to my slightly snarky, old-man-yelling-at-clouds critique of the 2010 rom-com Valentine’s Day. Directed by Garry Marshall and boasting a star-studded cast, this film promised a heart-warming celebration of love but ended up being more like a heart-shaped box of cheesy chocolates – predictable and inevitably disappointing.

Valentine’s Day is a multi-strand romantic comedy that follows the lives of various Los Angeles residents as they navigate love and relationships on the most romantic day of the year. The film weaves together a multitude of characters and their interconnected love stories, from a couple dealing with infidelity to a florist who’s planning a grand proposal. With an ensemble cast that includes Julia Roberts, Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, and Anne Hathaway, the film aims to explore different facets of love, from romantic entanglements to the bonds of friendship and family.

First things first, let’s talk about that classic ensemble cast. When you assemble the likes of Julia Roberts, Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, and Anne Hathaway, you expect fireworks, right? Well, what we got felt more like a few damp sparklers on a drizzly day. It’s not that these actors can’t perform; it’s just that their characters are about as deep as a puddle in the Sahara. You’d think that with such talent, we’d get some riveting, three-dimensional characters. Instead, it’s like they’re playing roles in a dating show where everyone’s too polite to break up. The characters are about as memorable as yesterday’s oatmeal.

The writing in Valentine’s Day is cheesier than a pizza parlour, and not in a good way. It’s like the screenwriters went on a tour of every romantic cliché ever written and decided to throw them all into one big, sappy blender. The result? A plot so predictable you could set your watch by it. The multiple storylines are meant to intertwine and create a tapestry of love, but it’s more like a poorly knitted sweater – full of holes and not very warm. The characters talk in a way that seems more fitting for a Valentine’s Day card than real life. Their dialogue feels so rehearsed that you half expect them to pull out cue cards with sweet nothings written on them.

Valentine’s Day had potential. It had opportunities to explore the intricacies of love and relationships. But instead, it treats these opportunities like a salad bar at a fast-food joint – you know it’s there, but you’re not going to bother with it. The film briefly touches on different forms of love, from friendships to family bonds, but it’s like a shallow dive into a kiddie pool. What could have been heart-warming moments turn into superficial gestures. It’s like going to a fancy restaurant and being served a microwave dinner. The attempts at humour are about as successful as trying to tell a joke at a library. The film relies on tired and overused gags that would barely get a chuckle at a knock-knock joke convention. Instead of genuine humour, we get more eye-rolls and groans.

Let’s address the elephant in the room: Valentine’s Day and Love Actually. Comparisons between the two are like comparing a paper airplane to a Boeing 747. Love Actually has depth, heart, and characters you genuinely care about. Valentine’s Day, on the other hand, feels like the knockoff version you find in the discount bin. Love Actually takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, making you laugh and cry within the same scene. Valentine’s Day might make you giggle occasionally, but the emotional depth is about as deep as a kiddie pool. It’s like comparing a delicious homemade dessert to a store-bought cookie – they may look similar, but one has soul, and the other is just sugar and flour.

Valentine’s Day is like a date with someone who talked a big game but showed up wearing socks with sandals. It promised a heart-warming love story but delivered something closer to a rehearsed script, one-dimensional characters, and more cheese than a fondue party. If you’re in the mood for background noise this is the perfect film you can ignore while you’re scrolling TikTok. If you’re after something with a little more depth, best you look elsewhere.

Who wrote this?