February 2, 2012

Movie Review – Faster

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:01 am

- Summary -

Director :  George Tillman Jr.
Year Of Release :  2010
Principal Cast :  Dwayne Johnson, Billy Bob Thornton, Carla Gugino, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Moon Bloodgood, Maggie Grace, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jennifer Carpenter, Tom Berenger, Mike Epps, Xander Berkeley, Matt Gerald.
Approx Running Time :  100 Minutes
Aspect Ratio :  2.40:1
Synopsis: After being released from a 10 year stint in prison, a man seeks revenge on the group of people who double-crossed he and his brother and put him inside. With a gun, a car and a no-fail attitude, the Driver will let nothing stop in the way of his vengeance.
What we think :  Muscular, fancy-free action thriller sees Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson return to the genre he should never have left - this one. This is a lean, mean film, free of story fat or frivolity – it’s the kind of film that means business, takes no prisoners, and ask no questions of its audience. You either like it, or you don’t. Faster is ballsy, violent and kinetic, and utterly enjoyable.

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The BluRay cover blurb quote states, quite simply, that Faster is “… the straight-up best action film of the year”, and it’s hard to disagree with. Faster is, for want of a better description, exactly the kind of action film Hollywood audiences needed to see – especially in light of overblown blockbusters (Michael Bay, I love you – but man, you need to make another Rock movie) and the turgid Oscar bait released every other week. The Rock… ahem, sorry, Dwayne Johnson makes his welcome return to the hard-ass action films we deserved, instead of yet another fluffy Disney-esque “comedy” that takes his natural screen charisma and turn it into cinematic vomit. Here, with Faster, Johnson sacks up and gets all angry and stuff, as a vengeful ex-con seeking retribution against those who killed his brother and set him up to go to prison. He’s silent, brooding, tortured and angry – exactly the kind of character Clint Eastwood might have played in his younger days, and free from the kiddie-lite catastrophes of Tooth Fairy and that stupid one about being the babysitter for that inane family, Johnson makes the most of this decidedly adult actioner. Faster came on the back of his career resurgence in Fast Five, the fifth film in the Fast & The Furious franchise), raising his stock as one of the modern screens preeminent action stars.

Click here to go faster!!!

January 30, 2012

Movie Review – The Tourist

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:02 am

- Summary -

Director :  Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Year Of Release :  2010
Principal Cast : Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton, Rufus Sewell, Steven Berkoff.
Approx Running Time :  103 Minutes
Aspect Ratio :  2.40:1
Synopsis:  After a chance meeting on a train, a teacher from America and a mysterious woman engage in a subtle romance in the city of Venice, before secret agents and vicious mobsters track them down and threaten to kill them.
What we think :  Beautiful, yet amazingly tepid, romantic thriller set in Venice; The Tourist is less a thriller and more a sleeper, even if lead actress Jolie looks simply stunning flouncing about the canals of the famed city. While she’s nice to look at, the film drags its heels with increasing frustration at being unable to become either the thriller it’s marketed as, or the romance the audience seems to be getting after the first twenty minutes – I couldn’t figure out which one the director decided he wanted to make, so I assume he just went for a double hander. The Tourist isn’t a film as much as it is just an excuse to watch Depp and Jolie have a holiday under the guise of making a movie.

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Venice is rightly renowned as one of the worlds most beautiful cities. Angelina Jolie is rightly renowned as one of the worlds most beautiful women. Johnny Depp is renowned as one of the worlds most attractive men. You’d think a film featuring all three of these beauties might actually be a decent thing in itself; the location and talent on-screen are first class, and yet, for all its trappings of exotica and ritzy decolletage, The Tourist is a wasteful bore. Yes, it’s pretty, but it’s not very interesting. Unfortunately, as critics of Michael Bay will attest, style over substance will only get you so far, and director von Donnersmarck has misplaced his substance for elegant waffle instead. The Tourist tries very hard to be both exciting and enthralling, gifting audiences a veritable postcard-reel of Venetian extravagance and beauty, book-ending some sort of spy-vs-spy thriller, with the subtlety and nuance of fairy floss. Venice doesn’t really lend itself to subtle intrigue and double-crossing – even James Bond only visits for a few scenes in any of his films, and even then, he still manages to blow stuff up: no, Venice is the city of lovers, the city of romance and sensuality, dripping with every wavelet and gondola passing by your feet as you step through a city older almost than time itself. Violence and Venice are worlds apart, and only the bravest director dares bring them into competition.

Click here to use your tourist visa to see more about this film…

January 27, 2012

Movie Review – Caligula (Unrated Version)

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:01 am

- Summary -

Director : Tinto Brass (Additional scenes by Giancarlo Lui & Bob Guccione)
Year Of Release : 1979
Principal Cast : Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, John Gielgud, Peter O’Toole, Teresa Ann Savoy, John Steiner.
Major Award Wins : Absolutely none whatsoever.
Approx Running Time : 156 Minutes
Aspect Ratio : 1.85:1
Synopsis: Caligula, a hot-headed and opportunistic young Roman heir to the throne of Emperor, murders his uncle to ascend the throne and rule Rome by force – even though he’s half mad, incestuously involved with his own sister, and debauched in just about ever sense. He chooses a wife, chooses to send the husbands of the women he wants to sleep with away to the frontier, and seeks to bring Rome to its knees with his childlike rule – his plans, however, are nothing compared to those of the people who seek to bring him down.
What we think : If you enjoy good porn, this isn’t the film for you. Like watching somebody vomit outside a pub, Caligula is best appreciated by not seeing it. Filmed with the ability of a 2-year old child, a cast of legendary performers deliver some of the most appallingly written dialogue and ghastly portrayals of “real” historical people, interspersed with the hard-core porn filmed by Penthouse supremo Bob Guccione. This is barely titillating, and never once erotic – it’s less a work of art and more an atrocity. Calling it a film is to call shitty films good.

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Harken back, if you will, to a brief moment in cinema history whereby a genre known as “pornography” slipped across from the dingy backrooms of sleazy screening dungeons and into the mainstream. The time of Deep Throat, perhaps the most iconic of all porn films (how on earth people fell for the misappropriation of the term “mainstream” when describing a film based solely on the concept of a woman having her clitoris in the back of her throat still staggers me!) saw a weird influence take place on Hollywood – suddenly, porn was chic. Instead of strolling down to the local cinema to catch the latest Disney animated feature, you’d ditch the kids and sneak away to catch the latest blockbuster release involving full-screen penetration and copious body fluids posing as “art”, perhaps hoping to instil in your partner a somewhat sordid level of eroticism which would lead to… well, an imitation of said film later on back home. Caligula, a film ostensibly a historical peice about a violent period on ancient Roman history, was released hanging on the combination of big-name stars and raunchy, explicit sex, most of which featured a bevy of that year’s Penthouse Pets – thanks to Penthouse founder and publisher Bob Guccione’s input. I don’t know whether to be impressed with his balls at putting out a film this convoluted, or whether to simply cringe in embarrassment to all involved.

Click here to read more about Caligula!

January 23, 2012

Movie Review – True Grit (2010)

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:01 am

- Summary -

Director : Joel & Ethan Cohen
Year Of Release : 2010
Principal Cast : Jeff Bridges, Hailee Steinfeld, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, Barry Pepper, Elizabeth Marvel, Dakin Matthews.
Major Award Wins : Academy Award Nominations: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor (Jeff Bridges), Best Supporting Actress (Hailee Steinfeld), Best Art Direction, Best Cinematography, Best Costume Design, Best Sound Mixing, Best Sound Editing. BAFTA Wins: Best Cinematography (Roger Deakins). SAG Award Wins: Best Actor (Bridges), Best Actress (Steinfeld).
Approx Running Time : 111 Minutes
Aspect Ratio : 2.40:1
Synopsis: In the old West, a young girls’ father is murdered by a wanted outlaw, so she hires a Federal Marshall to hunt him down and bring him to justice.
What we think : Better than the original? I think so. One of the best Hollywood films in recent years, this is destined to become a genuine American classic. Superb in almost every sense.

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I’m the first to admit that my disdain for Hollywood’s penchant for remaking classic (and not-so-classic) films from history has become something of a joke amongst the film community – everything from classic horror, drama and even drama films are being lined up for the dreaded “modernization” (or, alternatively, “updating”) for younger audiences. Typically, remakes are technically proficient yet lacking the thing that made the original truly great – that lightning in a bottle which allowed said film to transcend the dust of history to remain a true classic. Remakes have a long, sad history in Hollywood, and yet people still think it’s a good idea. Personally, I’d rather filmmakers spend time developing new ideas and stories to bring us, instead of simply recycling older films with usually less-than-impressive credentials. Having said that, I find myself in the unusual position of watching a remake of a genuine Hollywood classic, and actually finding myself thinking it’s the better film. How the hell did that happen?

Click here to get gritty!

January 16, 2012

Movie Review – Rio

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:01 am

- Summary -

Director : Carlos Saldanha
Year Of Release : 2011
Principal Cast : Jessie Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway, Jamie Foxx, George Lopez, Jemaine Clement, Leslie Mann, Rodrigo Santoro, Will.i.am, Carlos Ponce.
Approx Running Time : 90 Minutes
Aspect Ratio : 2.40:1
Synopsis: A blue Macaw afraid of flying is taken to Rio de Janiro to mate with the last female of his species, only to be bird-napped by unscrupulous types: a rescue plan by his owner is put into action, but not before a series of misadventures sees our hero fall in love, learn to fly and go hang-gliding around the skies of Brazil’s largest city.
What we think : A golden opportunity is completely wasted in this generic, middling adventure film, your typical “fish out of water” script and scenarios play out exactly as the Hollywood template always does – the hero gets the girl, the bird gets the…. other bird, and the plethora of second-tier comedy relief do their best to elevate a wafer thin script with equally wafer thin humor. Derivative and meandering, this harmless kids adventure will keep tots happy with its slick production design and simplistic characters, but older kids and adults will probably find it a little boring.

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Rio is perhaps best described in a single word. Generic. If you strip back the flashy visuals, the dynamic animation style (designed mainly to look cool in 3D, mind you) and the not-quite-A-list-casting, Rio is a join-the-dots example of Hollywood film-making. That’s not to say it’s a bad film, in terms of it’s execution and entertainment value, it’s just that Rio has so many layers of familiarity that it’s hard to see where has-been ends and originality begins. If it begins at all. I’m sure, somewhere, the story by director Carlos Saldanha, Earl Richey Jones and Todd R Jones might have sounded good in theory, but weaving a decent story out of a fairly fanciful idea needs more than flashy visuals and catchy music. The end result of what would have been several years of work ends up feeling for all the world like a dumbed-down version of a better film, a film we have yet to see, because Rio, for all it’s flashy visuals and catchy music, isn’t that much chop. I know, I’m probably not the target audience for this film, but I argue the point that Rio seems too smart for the really young viewers and too dumb for the older ones, flailing about somewhere in the middle and ending up just being ordinary.

Click here to go to Rio!!!

January 12, 2012

Movie Review – Drive Angry

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:01 am

- Summary -

Director : Patrick Lussier
Year Of Release : 2011
Principal Cast : Nicolas Cage, William Fichtner, Amber Heard, Billy Burke, David Morse, Tom Atkins.
Approx Running Time : Far too f***ing long, man.
Aspect Ratio : 1.85:1
Synopsis: Some dude driving a car escapes from hell, returns to Earth to hunt down the people who stole his dead daughters baby. I think that’s what was happening in this movie.
What we think : I’m sorry, could you repeat the question?

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Drive Angry is a terrible film. Beyond the pale for awfulness, it is hopefully another nail in the derelict career of one Nicolas Cage, a man for whom it seems no role is too stupid, nor any script too dreadfully inept. What on Earth can Hollywood hope to gain by promoting the man’s sheer lack of cinematic credibility? Yes, Cage once won an Oscar for Best Actor, but then, so did Robert DeNiro, and all he’s done since then is terribly stupid Parenting comedies, dull Cop Dramas and less-than-stellar “horror” films. Drive Angry is one of those films that probably seemed like a good idea at the time, if you think “the time” was that crazy night in Vegas when you were high on acid and the hookers were doing a threesome in the second bedroom while you bathed in a recently slaughtered ox’s blood. I was so tempted to do this film as one of our Mini Reviews, but I feel so violated by the imagery and concepts I’ve just witnessed, I need to purge myself of this… trash – I refuse to continue to call this turd a film – so I can continue my exploration of the fine medium of cinema unburdened. Therefore, prepare for a long form review of one of the worst films I’ve seen in the last week or so: Drive Angry.

Drive through this review and get very, very angry….

January 9, 2012

Movie Review – Water For Elephants

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:02 am

- Summary -

Director : Francis Lawrence
Year Of Release : 2011
Principal Cast : Reese Witherspoon, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Hal Holbrook, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Richard Brake, James Frain.
Approx Running Time : 120 Minutes
Aspect Ratio : 2.40:1
Synopsis: A failed veterinarian student drops out of college during the great Depression after his parents are killed, and joins up with a traveling circus. He falls for the boss’s gorgeous wife, is setup upon by the heavies when he stands up to the boss, and trains a new “star attraction” for the circus in the form of an elephant.
What we think : A train ride of cliches and romance swirl about this often melodramatic story of a man and his elephant, and the woman he falls for, leaving the majority of film fans either aghast that they stayed til the end, or caught up in the post-Twilight Robert Pattinson taking his non-acting into a film starring entirely no vampires. Well crafted, gorgeous to look at, Water For Elephants feels a little like it’s trying to be more epic and sweeping than the train-bound narrative allows, and while the characters feel all sweet-as-pie All American, the end result is a somewhat limp, somewhat sour effort where the beauty and harmony are unbalanced by an overt mean streak throughout. Worth a look, I guess, but it’s not a keeper.

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If there’s one thing I hate more than romantic comedies starring Jennifer Lopez/Jennifer Anniston/Kate Hudson/Diane Keaton, it’s overly manipulative “animal movies”, where the star animal in the film is inevitably the one which is killed/maimed/mistreated/funnier than the humans. Films where you can feel the director reaching into your chest or tear ducts to try giving the bits inside you that work the awwww and tug them gently, prodding an unsustainable emotional bond with you that, while occurring feels real and genuine, but after the credits roll feels a little like you’ve been manhandled. Water For Elephants, to a large degree, feels like manhandling to me. Based on the book by Sara Gruen, Water For Elephants is story set in the Great Depression, trying desperately to evoke the Great Depression, while managing to also feel the need to rise above the Great Depression in its emotional core. It’s a mismatch of a film, a film trying to find its center, yet not quite being able to deliver the genuine heart it so desperately aches for. It’s almost good, if that’s quantification enough for you.

Click here to bring the elephant in!

January 5, 2012

Movie Review – Drive (2011)

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:02 am

- Summary -

Director :  Nicolas Winding Refn
Year Of Release :  2011
Principal Cast :  Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, Ron Perlman, Oscar Isaac, Christina Hendricks, James Biberi.
Approx Running Time :  100 Minutes
Aspect Ratio :  2.35:1
Synopsis:   A man known only as the Driver befriends his next-door neighbor, a woman, whose husband has just recently been released from prison – while assisting the husband commit a robbery to pay back a large sum of gangster protection money, the Driver becomes embroiled in the machinations of a local crime gang intent on keeping him quiet.
What we think :  Terrific dramatic thriller featuring a potentially iconic performance from Ryan Gosling, whose say-little-slow-burn portrayal of a man seemingly trying to find redemption sears the screen and burns into the brain. The film isn’t an all-out action monster, and it’s not a tear-jerking emotional rollercoaster; what Drive is is a deliberately paced, incredibly well acted, simple story about a guy protecting that which he loves. Moments of violence are brief punctuations in between long stretches of silence and calm, the story bubbling away all throughout a film more riveting than thrilling, more brutal than romantic, more sublime than ostentatious. What a ripper.

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Truly great action films come along only once in a while – and in the 2000′s, even less often than that. You could list on the fingers of one hand the number of universally admired films in which driving stunts, gunplay and bloody violence are actually helpful to the story, or in any way universally appealing. Drive makes a welcome addition to the fingers on that hand, even if describing it as an Action Film is perhaps a little disingenuous on my part. Drive isn’t a typical Hollywood action movie, although there are moments of gut-wrenching action, helmed with close-up ferocity by Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn. It’s not really a deep dramatic piece either, with the characters atypically using glances, longing stares and nods of the head for the majority of their communication – often, it’s the unsaid that’s more important. As a thriller, you’d class it as a sleeper, the kind of thriller for intellectuals who enjoy a film less about cheap thrills than about intelligent screenwriting and storytelling. What I’d say is that Drive is a mix of all three, a very successful mix, if the critical reception this movie received originally is anything to go by. Current It Man, Ryan Gosling, who seems to be in every great film coming out at the moment, leads a great cast through this stylish genre piece with a performance easily described as “intense”, saying more in a twenty second kiss with Carey Mulligan than most actors do in an entire film. So, is Drive a film able to live up to the hype; is it able to resist the urge for those wondering what all the hype is about to dismiss it out of hand as just another Edge Of Darkness style thriller?

Click here to take a Drive.

December 24, 2011

Movie Review – The Santa Clause 2

Filed under: Movie Review — Rodney @ 12:01 am

- Summary -

Director : Michael Lembeck
Year Of Release : 2002
Principal Cast : Tim Allen, Spencer Breslin, Judge Reinhold, Elizabeth Mitchell, David Krumholtz, Eric Lloyd, Wendy Crewson, Liliana Mumy.
Approx Running Time : 90 Minutes
Aspect Ratio : 1.85:1
Synopsis: New Santa Scott Calvin is settled into his job as the big guy at the North Pole, until he discovers that he is on a deadline to find a wife before he reverts back to his human form and Christmas is ruined. In order to find a wife (within 26 days) he must travel back to his real life, leaving a fake Santa copy in charge of the Elves and the workshop. Trouble is, when the fake Santa starts to change things for the worse, the battle for the North Pole begins.
What we think : Surprisingly charming sequel to the original gem, Tim Allen and the team do a wonderful job recapturing the charm and magic that made the first film so great. The majority of the original cast return (albeit slightly older), and a few new ones are thrown into the mix – the darker nature of the “fake Santa” storyline may be too adult for the younger kiddies, but the drama and romance are handled well by director Michael Lembeck. A solid, winning formula once more transports us into the world of the Santa Clause.

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It truly does take a brave viewer to watch a Christmas film and actually feel good about it. Most Christmas films end up being saccharine-infested Holiday cheer-heavy schmaltz-fests, or dull, stupidly conceived and ill-executed “Christmas-comedies”  in the vein of crap like Four Christmases, Christmas With The Kranks, or Fred Claus, to name only three off the top of my head. The Santa Clause managed to deliver a Christmas movie that balanced the schmaltz and actual emotional content with extraordinary success – even more surprising considering the film came out in the 90′s, a decade in which films became increasingly marketed towards big-budgets and shitty-stories. The inevitable sequel to The Santa Clause came out a few years later, with the original cast returning and adding in a few new surprises, and to everyone’s complete shock, it too wasn’t that bad a film, even for a sequel. Tim Allen’s best film franchise ever actually improved on the original, surpassing the aww-shucks cutesy whimsy of film 1 and building on the magical, fantastical elements that made that film so good.

Click here to jingle all the way to the Mrs Clause!

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