/Movie Review – Vampires Suck (Mini Review)

Movie Review – Vampires Suck (Mini Review)

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– Summary –

Director : Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
Year Of Release : 2010
Principal Cast : Jenn Proske, Deidrich Bader, Matt Lanter, Christopher N Riggi, Anneliese van der Pol, Ken Jeong.
Synopsis: Largely unfunny spoof of the current vampire trend, drawing largely from the Twilight saga, has small-town teen Becca falling hard for local vampire Edward Sullen, while being pursued by handsome werewolf  Jacob White. Meanwhile, a trio of killer vampires have invaded the small town of Sporks, and it’s up to Edward’s family to stop them before they capture and kill Becca.
What we think : Inane comedy in the same vein as Scary Movie, Teen Movie and the rest, with a fair amount of hit-and-miss gags being thrown up onto the screen with startling regularity. Occasionally funny only if you’ve actually watched the Twilight films, Vampires Suck has a good enough production quality to make a decent film, but the “humour” isn’t strong enough to make it a durable one.

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Just Quickly

The eye-rolling parade of vampire-themed projects currently in production and on our screens seems ripe for the obligatory Hollywood send-up: the boys behind Vampires Suck have delivered a film only barely coherent to non-Twilight/Vampire Diaries/True Blood fans, but endlessly fascinating to those who enjoy such stuff. Essentially a spoof of the first two Twilight films, Twilight and New Moon, Vampires Suck throws in plenty of vapid pop-culture references and some pretty decent parodies of Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner. Beccy, a young high school girl who has moved to Sporks, Washington, discovers the existence of vampires in the form of the Sullen family, and becomes attracted to younger “son” Edward. Her romantic interests, however, are interrupted by the constant badgering of local werewolf Indian lad Jacob, who seems intent on having Becca for himself. Basically, the best bits of Stephenie Meyer’s popular novels have been corrupted into a fairly loose series of scenes which, especially if you have never seen any of the Twilight films before, will make almost no sense whatsoever.

The Result

Vampires Suck has the sad responsibility of being a spoof of a really shitty film series, and ends up being an even shittier spoof as a result. The characterisations of the cast, particularly lead actress Jen  Proske as Becca, are pretty cool, affecting the mannerisms and nuances the Twilight stars have displayed themselves. But the foolish scripting, not helped by the basis for the film anyway, lets the side down: the dialogue rarely invokes anything more than a chuckle, and even the truly funny parts (one of which involves Lady Gaga!) are pretty hit-and-miss. While I was thankful the gratuitous vulgarity and excessive “adult” humour of past Movie movies was almost eliminated (only one mention of “titties” *gasp!*), the film lacked any real edge to the humour. In fact, perhaps the thing which elicited the most chuckles from me was the thought of just how the Twi-hard community might take some of the poking at their beloved franchise. Several moments in the film are dedicated to the screaming hysteria of the Twi-hard crowd, and they’re not painted in a good light. The best part of the film, in my opinion, is a scene involving Becca choosing a song from her “Agnsty Song” playlist on the iPod, and the song which then plays over the film is truly hilarious. Ultimately, though, Vampires Suck isn’t clever enough to really sink the boot into the Twilight/vampire mythos, and the humdrum comedy lacks… ahem… bite, or genuine wit of any form. It’s the kind of comedy that will be outdated within a few years, meaning its re-watch factor is incredibly low. It’s a valiant effort, but ultimately toothless.

4-Star

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Normally detesting these kinds of bios, Rodney's keen love of film more often outclasses his ability to write convincingly about them. Never blessed with a body worthy of a porn star, nor being the heir to a wealthy industrialists fortune, nor suffering the tragedy of having his parents murdered outside a Gotham theater, Rodney is, contrary to popular opinion, neither Ron Jeremy, JD Rockefeller, or Batman. As a serious appreciator of film since 1996, Rodney's love affair with the medium has continued with his online blog, Fernby Films, a facility allowing him to communicate with fellow cineasts in their mutual love of all things movie.